Do you sometimes feel like you and your spouse are living in separate worlds?
Spending time with your spouse, both quality and quantity are important. Not only should you be there for your spouse, you should also be there, listening to what they have to say and attending to their needs. Dr. John Gottman calls this "turning to each other."
So how can we spend more time "turning towards" our spouse? Here are some tips that may help:
1. When your partner makes a bid for your attention, pay attention!
Husbands and wives frequently make "bids" for attention from their spouse. These bids may be verbal: "I am so tired," or "You won't believe what happened to me today," or they may be physical, such as a hug or a facial expression. We make these bids and hope that our spouse will respond and pay attention to us. When we fail to respond to these bids, our spouse may feel unimportant and isolated, but when we do respond, we can find precious opportunities to connect with our spouse and show that we care.
2. Do chores together.
Let's face it, sometimes doing chores together is inefficient. It makes more sense to divide the chores to get through them faster, right? Maybe so, but it also means more time apart. Doing the chores together may take a little longer, but it can be much more fun and provide more time for husbands and wives to communicate, share, and connect with each other.
3. Have a stress-reducing conversation.
Take a little time at the end of each day to talk with each other. This can be a time to de-stress a little and share the ups and downs of your day. Share any good news you've heard, talk about stresses at work, family concerns, or anything that's been on your mind. Most importantly: listen to your spouse and process everything they share with you.
4. Go for a walk together.
There are two major benefits to taking a walk together. First, you have a set time with your spouse that is free from distractions, and second, you are both getting some exercise at the same time. You will find that the fresh air and exercise will help you maintain more positive communication and keep a clear mind.
When a couple pays attention to each other and stays connected by sharing their lives with each other, they will enjoy greater passion, romance and a better sex life.
