Researchers have found that men who are the happiest in marriage are the ones who listen to their wives. Men in happy marriages are wealthier, healthier and have more sex.
How often have you done something that strengthened or helped your marriage? Do you ever wish your spouse could understand a difficult issue from your perspective? How much better off would your marriage be if both you and your spouse understood each other's perspective on difficult issues? Here are some tips to help you:
1. Compassion
Compassion is a tool that can help you extinguish anger, motivate you to help your spouse and understand your spouse's perspective. The key is to learn how to manage the emotion of compassion and use it in ways that can help strengthen your relationship.
Compassion is the emotion that fills you with an intense desire to do everything you can to help someone in need. The power of compassion is that it can lift you both up. As you become more compassionate, negative feelings during disagreements will dimish, the level of emotional intimacy will increase and the quality of your physical intimacy will be enhanced.
2. Respect
Think back to when you were first falling in love with your spouse. Do you remember hiding your faults? Do you also remember ignoring his or her faults? When you notice all the good things about people, your level of respect for them increases. As our respect grows for a person, we find it easier to listen, talk and treat him or her in a respectful manner.
After the wedding day you probably started to let you guard down a little. You no longer tried so hard to hide your faults. At the same time your spouse was doing the same. It became easier for you to notice his or her faults rather than overlook them. As you began focusing on your spouse's faults your level of respect began to erode. As respect erodes, contempt grows. Comtempt will poison your marriage and bring with it pain and misery.
Both respect and comtempt are built up by what YOU choose to dwell on. When you focus on your spouse's positive traits and exercise tolerance with his or her faults, your respect for your spouse will grow. You will find it easier to listen, speak, and treat him or her respectfully.
3. Appreciation
Learning how to express sincere appreciation is a critical skill in forming and sustaining a healthy marriage. The first step in developing this skill is to become aware of the many things your spouse does for you.
It's easy to take for granted everything your spouse does for you. Once you recognize what your spouse does for you, the next step is to express your sincere appreciation for his or her help. This can be as simple as saying, "Thank You" or "I really appreciated that." Another option is to let your spouse know how it made you feel and why you appreciated the behavior.
Feeling appreciated is a basic human need. When you fulfill that need for your spouse, the joy and happiness in your marriage will increase.
